Monday, December 14, 2009

FREE ONLINE GAY FICTION! (A post for the Google 'bot)

FREE ONLINE GAY FICTION! Get your free gay stories online --

In all seriousness, folks. I'm trying to attract the attention of the Google Bot. This post is about search engines, and getting properly listed by them. So, once again, being pellucidly clear:

FREE GAY STORIES ONLINE!!! (Click here)

Well -- they're GAY, they're FREE, and they're STORIES, right?

As in,

  • not straight, bent, counter-het, curvy;
  • not charged for; without cost; sans price; gratis;
  • fiction, as in ... well, as in fiction. You know, stories, not documentaries or text books. In other words, interesting stuff not likely to serve as a sleeping pill.

Therefore, GAY FICTION, which is FREE, and on the Internet. Online. Downloadable. To be downloaded without payment.

(Have I jammed in enough keywords yet? You see, Google doesn't read the sense of anything you're saying. You could be William Shakespeare; Google wouldn't care. You could be trying to get the Gettysburg Address crawled, indexed and on Page One -- Google would curl its lip. You see, the 'bot reads something nasty called keyword density. It also recognizes when words are embiggened and emboldened, and made into headlines, like this:

GAY FICTION, FREE ONLINE -- GET YOURS HERE!

So, having said all that (and not forgetting to speak the 'bot's language and shove in some more associated keywords along the way, such as GLBT, and Manlove, and M/M, and Gay readers, Gay Books and GLBT publishing) where do you actually get the aforementioned (here comes the keyword again Free Gay Online Fiction ...?

This rather idiotic post is intended solely to wave a red flag at Google because I'm currently beating my brains out to launch a new blog: http://gay-romance-fiction.blogspot.com/ -- ALL GAY ROMANCE.

And if this post doesn't get Google's attention, and get the URL in front of you -- YOU, the surfer who is actually looking for (here it comes again) FREE GAY ONLINE STORIES, well, I give up. It's all about keyword density, you understand ... meaning, you only need to put in just enough semi-coherent babble between the keywords to get Google to literally count the words and divide by keywords which its peanut-sized intellect can understand. "Free gay fiction online" is a keyword. "Squashed banana" is not a keyword. However, if you put in too much semi-coherent babble between the keywords, Google can't understand what your page is about...


This next, from Google's perspective, would be the perfect paragraph:

FREE GAY ONLINE FICTION teddy bear's picnic and the pet dragon bit off Tigger's head, so Captain Ron had to glue it back on, and FREE ONLINE GAY FICTION when the aliens brought back Elvis, who'd been run over by Mad Max's new lawnmower, but FREE ONLINE GAY FICTION would be the last thing Uncle Joe expected when he tore up the old carpet to polish the floor and discovered FREE ONLINE GAY FICTION in the trunk of Eddie's rusted-up old Ford, but he'd been dead for three days before FREE ONLINE DAY FICTION.

That' to Google, makes perfect sense. It's not the beauty of the language; it's not the wisdom of the content, nor the harmony of the prose, the artistry of the literature. It's the KEYWORD DENSITY.


And according to the rules, I have to say the keyword one more time, and include a link to the pertinent subject matter at the end of the page. So here we go:

FREE ONLINE GAY FICTION ... available (free) here.

There. Let's see Google misunderstand this!

Sorry. I promise to speak English next time, and make sense to humans.

Cheers,

Mel

1 comment:

phantom.rain said...

omg XD XD XD XD XD this just made my night. you sounded so frustrated

obscenecupcake@yahoo.com (straight girl, likes readin' bout gay romance cause it's double the penis but without male domination *gags* yeah, male domination for someone into femdom is NOT fun. and only one penis isn't fun either o 3o )

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