The Mel Keegan Show ... and heeeeeer's Mel!

Someone said to me the other day, "Geez, your blog's gotten serious lately." And he was dead right. The last time we had a little fun on these pages was when I stated (categorically and somewhat emphatically, I Am Not Kevin Keegan, nor Am I Mel Gibson; and before that it was "Happy 100th Post," the infamous press release for Martian Boys are Easy starring Clooney and Pitt (Biff and Billy Bob)...

http://mel-keegan.blogspot.com/2008/09/clooney-and-pitt-to-star-in-hot-gay.html
(Golly, I'd love to see "The Cucumber Vanishes"...)

http://mel-keegan.blogspot.com/2008/09/will-real-mel-keegan-please-stand-up.html
(Strange, nobody's ever asked if Kevin Costner moonlights as Mel...)

So it's high time this blog lightened up and had a little fun, since I talked about politics an doomsday for several consecutive posts, and then delved into the serious business of publishing for almost a week.

Welcome to the Mel Keegan Show, all-singing, all-dancing.

[catchy theme music; chorus line of high-kicking dancing boys in skimpy costumes; spotlights wander about the stage, looking for tonight's Theme Host ... and there he is! Zoom to full shot.]

HOST: good evening, gents, ladies, and anyone else tuning in. My name is Johnny Depp and I'll be your host tonight, for an evening of mayhem and madness ... Keegan style!

Last week, Mel climbed aboard the political bandwagon for a short trip that went through fun territory like human rights, the end of the world as anyone knows it, World War III, Armageddon, the second coming and loads of good stuff like that. Well, Mel might have nailed a lot of the problems facing us in months and years to come, but here's Julie Brown, who set the whole thing to music ... and it goes like this...

JOHNNY: Thank you, thank you, to the lovely Julie Brown for saying it all for us. And here's a good one that's going around the Internet today: "How do you make Sarah Palin's eyes light up? You shine a flashlight in her ear."

[drums: drrrrrrr baboom!]

But moving right along, now, we want to bring you some good advice on this show. It's not all about doing what you want to do and having success handed to you. You gotta work ... you gotta strive, as MK's been saying for the last week (till most of us were tired of hearing it, right?) ... but in a lot of ways The Keeg makes a point. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. And here's the cat to prove it...

Now, was that cute, or what? Raise your hands, folks in our live studio audience here tonight, who's got a cat? Who's got a cat that sleeps on the bed? Who's got a cat that sleeps on the bed and throws up on the bedside carpet right where you step out in the morning? That's disgusting. You people are disgusting --

So maybe we'd better move right along to our celebrity feature. On tonight's show, we're pleased and proud to bring you the very lovely and talented Mister John Barrowman!



And as the late, great Eric Morcambe used to say ... there's no answer to that.

Now, not all of our rabid JB fans know that John just happens to be a native speaking Scotsman. In fact, some of you might refuse to believe it, so here's proof, and if you still don't believe, write a nice letter, take it up with JB:



There you are, you see? He's the Tartan Terror at home. And unfortunately that's all we have time for on tonight's show, so we'll go cut to the Highballs, who'll dance us out of the end titles ... and don't miss next week's show, when your Theme Host will be Sean Bean, and our celebrity guest is Ja Ja Binks.

From all of us here at The Mel Keegan Show ... have a good one!